Day 8 at Shepherd Center. To give everyone an idea of what is going on with Jan imagine you are me and Jan is the person you are closest to. Imagine this like when you think about the actual accident, both extreme results (then and now) are consequences of what was done to her. Last evening Jan was lying in bed looking at me and spontaneously starts repeating David help me, help me, help me. The more she repeats it the louder and more hysterical she gets. She got a look of fear on her face. This continues into a sobbing cry with crocodile tears repeating I don't want to die, please don't let me die. I calmly try to reassure her she is ok but it does not seem to make any difference. She does not acknowledge hearing me. This slowly dies down after a few minutes only to start up again with a frantic repeating with the same or something like i'm sick, i'm throw up sick, I have a head ache or the I'm hot (I take the blanket off) followed immediately by I'm freezing (I put the blanket back). These are all repeated randomly. Sometimes she says, all in the same sentence help me David, please somebody help me, I'm hot, I'm freezing. She will settle down for a few seconds appearing very comfortable and calm only to start up again. This has been going on for a couple of days but was a bit worse last night. I know this is part of her evolving confusion now with what appears to me as increasing emotional lability and there is nothing that I do that makes any difference. There is no doubt she knows I am here and I think that has to help somehow, perhaps giving her some security in her confused world. The worst part about this is she seems to be truly feeling inconsolable fear in those few moments kind of like she is having a nightmare. The good thing is they pass fairly quickly. Today she was started on a new medication that hopefully will help her with this extreme and what appears to be very uncomfortable agitation. This afternoon I read a note from a get well card sent by a friend at home, she started crying "I want to go home". She has not had any where the extremes she had last night so I think the meeds are helping, or she is too tired from todays therapy. She did tell me when I ask her if she were in a hotel or hospital that she was in a hospital. I ask her why and she told me she had a bike wreck. I am told me she will not remember this phase of her recovery. A neuropsychologist told me she has not yet started creating new memories which goes along with not remembering and TIGT. Although telling me she is in a hospital and that she had a bike wreck suggest to my layman mind she is starting to form some memories (TIGT). Anyway it makes me feel better to be here by her whether she remembers or not. Thanks Mark and Robbie (my partners) I could not be here without their support.
Food for thought. I would like to ask a theological question. I would like if possible well thought out, wise and or academic but not emotional responses. I ask this without emotion or anger, only curiosity. If God is good, then why do things like this happen? I would like an answer but realize there may not be one. Do not get me wrong I truly am thankful for all of the prayers and thoughts but as I have told a few something like this will shake your faith. I think we all question why.
I have had many responses not only of those letting me know these posts about Jan are being followed but that there has been good to come from this, More and more seem to be noticing cyclists, runners and others on the road and giving plenty of room and encouraging others to do the same. Many have said they no longer use their cell phones while driving. Others have told me they have gotten off the couch and started doing something to help themselves. This is all good. Thank you all. Keep it up.
It is truly sad about the two cyclists killed from this area (Atlanta) this weekend. Keep their families in your prayers. Their grief has to be overwhelming at this time.
SHARE THE ROAD, IT'S A LIFE
PUT THE !%@$# CELL PHONE DOWN BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEBODY
GET OFF THE COUCH, HELP YOURSELF AND BE AN EXAMPLE
SUPPORT BIKE WALK MISSISSIPPI, IT IS OUR VEHICLE TO GET GOOD THINGS ACCOMPLISHED
If you have not already
**********PLEASE CONTACT AND ENCOURAGE YOUR STATE SENATOR AND REPRESENTATIVE TO SUPPORT THE 3 FOOT LAW AMENDMENT***********
I Love My Little Darlin, she is gonna continue to get better (TIGT)