My Little Darlin, PT day 40, by David

Day #4 at Shepherd.  40 days since this nightmare started.   I quietly entered her room this morning about 7.  She appeared to be resting.  They had already dressed her for the day.  I kissed her, told her good morning and that I love her. She gave a subtle head nod acknowledging that she heard me.  A normal day would be me and her going through the same actions only I would be leaving her coffee and heading out for work.  The last time we did that normally was 40 days ago.  Neither of us have been home since.  Things are far from normal for us.  I sat down after getting here this morning and remained quiet until she started stirring.  She began by complaining of being very hot.  She did this loudly and often.  She would intermittently settle down and complain of other things such an being sick and follow this literally saying blah, blah, blah.  She would also ramble about Maggie (one of our dogs we lost last year to age), Kevin and other things she has been repeating over the past few days in her confused state.  I can not tell if she is truly sick or hot as her opinion on either and any other complaint changes by the minute.  Sometimes she will say she is hot followed immediately by being cold in the same sentence.  This is all part of her confused state.  She will laugh at some of the things she says or complains about when I question her about them.  I do love it when she smiles but seeing the persistent confusion does get me down.  It is hard seeing her like this I will admit.  I know it will get better but that does not make it any easier now.  Again she would not eat this morning refusing most everything.  They took her away for her therapy sessions without me tagging along.  Came back and saw her later today.  Every time I come back after being away for a while I hope to see one of those ah ha changes for the better in her but I will take any improvement.  To be normal again seems very far away.  She was back in bed resting without agitation.  There were times when her mentation seemed normal.   These were brief as they always are.  This evening she ate very little.  The nurse will always bolus her PEG after seeing that she does not eat.  It is virtually impossible to know what Jan is truly feeling from one moment to the next but after each PEG bolus she consistently but intermittently complains of being sick.  She goes through the same series of complaints over a very few minutes of saying she is hot and wanting her blanket off,  immediately saying she is cold and wanting her blanket on not realizing she is going back and forth that I mentioned earlier.  She will add in there being "throw up" sick and then all of a sudden become calm and relaxed appearing before she starts up again.  I feel somewhat lost around here and am not entirely sure what my role is if any other than sideline support.   Wish there was something I could do to help her but I have to sit back and let the professionals do what they are good at.   I keep hoping this is going to get easier but that has not happened yet especially mentally.  It is very hard seeing her like this.

I hope everyone has sent a letter to their state senator and  representative by now.  If not please do it.  I have talked to several people who have experience with what we are trying to do (adding and or amending laws) and it is not easy.  This is an election year.  If the officials do not hear from you they will not act the way they should.

Accidents happen but this one did not have to.   As with what happened to Jan if there are no consequences to what you do to someone then why worry about changing.  As it is now if you or someone you know is killed or injured by an automobile while on a bicycle, running, walking etc, by Mississippi law it appears to me they are considered nothing more than road kill. My Little Darlin is certainly worth a lot more to me than that, I wish my own state government thought so!

SHARE THE ROAD, IT'S A LIFE
PUT THE !%@$# CELL PHONE DOWN BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEBODY
GET OFF THE COUCH,  BE AN EXAMPLE
JOIN AND SUPPORT BIKE WALK MISSISSIPPI


**********PLEASE CONTACT AND ENCOURAGE YOUR STATE SENATOR AND REPRESENTATIVE TO SUPPORT THE 3 FOOT LAW AMENDMENT***********

I Love My Little Darlin, what was done to her was stupid, senseless and just plain wrong !!!  Some people should never be allowed behind the wheel of a car.
David