I have heard the statement " I did not know how much I loved them until I thought I had lost them". I have always known how much I loved Jan and that makes this that much harder. I am also very fortunate since I know how much she loves me (TIGT).
I heard a prayer this morning that fit this situation; Lord give me patience but please hurry. Yesterday she was given a trial run off of her sedation. She did well but doing well is relative. Remember small positives are good. She remained off these medications for several hours. The plan was to keep them off so long as she tolerated this drug holiday. This is a slow process and the challenge is her learning to and becoming strong enough to ultimately not require the ventilator. These machines do not simply blow air in and out of the lungs. These machines are very complex ranging from complete control of a patients breathing with precise volume of air / concentrations with various levels of pressure at various phases in the respiratory cycle (way too complex for me) to the machine being off. It is not a simple matter of turning the ventilator off, stopping the meds and letting My Little Darlin wake up. She did well through the day and did become more responsive with increased spontaneous movements. She would open her eyes to the sound of a voice but she still remained totally unaware. It will take a long (unknown) time after the meds have been completely stopped before they have no effect on her. Only then will the extent of her brain injury be known. This not knowing is a large part of my anxiety but I am hoping and praying she will be my same Little Darlin (except maybe she will think the dumb things most of us husbands commonly do aren't so dumb;). The sedative was restarted early this morning because her breathing became inefficient and she needed more support from the ventilator. Getting her out of this will be like training for a race, push your self a little more each training session to get stronger and stronger. She has done an Ironman, this is just another challenge for her and she likes challenges. Go Jan Go.
This morning she is back on her sedative but at a much lower dose and to give her a little more support she is at 70% oxygen (this will likely be brought back down quickly). She is comfortable now. Her GI tract seems to be kicking in nicely. Her nutrition has been restarted through her PEG (PercutaneousEndoscopic Gastrostomy, endoscopically placed feeding tube from the stomach to and through the skin) and so far is doing well. As soon as this is going full tilt will stop the intravenous nutrition, this will be a good thing. Her labs are good. She is still having fever and do not know why. Every thing has been cultured (cultures are when any body fluid ie, blood, sputum, urine, or any fluid at skin entry site of the numerous tubes that have been placed through her skin are taken and tested for bacterial growth). The fever is treated with tylenol and cooling blankets. Lord give me patience but please hurry.
A friend and fellow biker sent me an interesting note yesterday that exemplifies very well the worst of three primary reasons in my opinion why bicyclists are injured or killed on roadways. Again in my opinion these reasons are
#1. Driver not paying attention or preoccupied such as with texting or talking on the cell phone
#2. Impaired by drugs or alcohol
#3. Evil, mean, angry .
Those that injure bicyclist, runners or anyone else on public roadways in #1 or #2 should be harshly punished because these are preventable acts leading to a preventable event. Drunk drivers now pay a severe penalty. I think the punishment for injuring someone while using a cell phone should be the same. Only when the punishment becomes harsh enough will people change their behavior.
I think those that are in the #3 category are the worse. This in an intentional act and a conscious decision. Any one that falls in this category should not be allowed to live free in a civil society.
The post he sent was, slightly altered because can not prove who it was, but something similar has happened to most anyone who has ridden a road bike;
Bless you guys David! I know the pain has to be overwhelming. The fear of being hit was elevated for me yesterday while out on my ride. I was honked at, swerved at, yelled at, and threatened by a driver in his Lexus...who yelled at me "I'm the ******* of Irondale-you don't want to F with me" oh good…the ******* threatening cyclist. We were on the shoulder and he was telling us we didn't belong..so not only does he not know the law being the ******* but he was also putting himself, his passenger, the other drivers on the road and of course the guy I was with and myself...why? Who knows...
Please be careful out there
TODAY IS HIGH VISIBILITY DAY FOR CYCLISTS
DO YOU HAVE YELLOW ON?
SHARE THE ROAD, WATCH OUT FOR ALL THOSE OUT THERE
PUT THE CELL PHONE DOWN WHEN DRIVING
GET OFF THE COUCH, DO IT FOR YOURSELF
Do not let what happened to Jan be in vain. This should not have to happen to anyone.
I Love My Little Darlin and this hurts,