Monday, June 27, 2011

My Little Darlin, PT day 36, by David

My step mother Linda stayed with Jan last night and my stepson Derek stayed with her the night before to allow me to catch up on some needed sleep.  Each morning I came in after being away over night I would walk in with the hopeful anticipation that she had had an amazing over night acceleration in her neurological condition and would be sitting up on bed with a big smile on her face carrying on a normal conversation.  It did not happen.  Last night she slept very little, maybe 15 minutes at a time although she had several 30 to 60 min naps during the day yesterday.  She has periods of clarity particularly once yesterday when Parisa asked her how well I could dance and she answers "pitiful".  She was dead on with that response.  I must  admit it is very difficult psychologically for me most of the time to see her like this.  I do a pretty good job of keeping my emotions in check.  I do not show her any negative emotion.  She continues to ramble but one thing for certain she wants some milk.  That has been her primary focus the past two days.  Kevin has also been a focus.  He, Parisa and David spent some time with us yesterday.  She did tell Kevin he was her hero.  She will occasionally focus and respond appropriately naming people and reading things such as tag lines on t shirts.   Again the fear is that how she is now will not improve but I have been reassured by a friend of mine who has quite a bit of professional experience with similar patients that where she is now is not unexpected and may be ahead of the curve.  From day one I have had the fear she would not improve but she has.  I am usually a very patient person but it is hard when it comes to My Little Solemate.

We are on our way to the Shepherd center this morning.  I have high expectations and have heard nothing but good things about them.  I just want my Jan back and I want her back now.

Please do not forget why Jan is in here.  I perceive there is momentum that is producing changes for the good.  I would not want this to have been done to her in vain.

I will continue my posts on Jan's hopefully rapid rehabilitation at the Shepherd Center starting tomorrow.  It will be an education for me as well.

Thank you for reading, thank you for not letting this be in vain.


I Love My Little Darlin , I miss doing stuff (or nothing) with her


  1. It's so good to see another post from you, David. I blogged about your and Jan's story and will definitely do my best to educate people about the dangers of driving while distracted.

    I continue to hold you and Jan in my thoughts.

  2. Go, Jan, go! Someone get that lady some milk. :) When safe to do so, of course. David, I am so impressed that you manage to stay positive for Jan. Maybe she's not saying so now, but I'm sure your good attitude helps her tremendously.

    Bike Walk Mississippi - let's join and get the law changed

  3. David, my wife is not a cycling accident victim, but went through a terrible ordeal with cancer including four hospitalizations (in additon to the three cancer surgeries) for reactions to drugs she was given. Every day for 6 months, shy of two days, she had something done to her. She is doing well now, up, at work, planning a camping trip and, Lord willing, a trip next year up to LeCont Lodge. But I was in your position and the "care giver" watches, prays, ministers, acts as a servant, and therefore terrible possibilities and other things go on in your mind that do not go on in Jan's mind that will also be VERY hard for you to get over for a time. Maybe, like me, for a long after your wife is up and about.

    The reason I am saying this is to let you know it is "normal." Sometimes, just finding out that you are not being abnormal or singular in your response to the extreme difficulties you are going through, will help you stay sane. And that is all I am trying to do in telling you about our experience. You would be abnormal or insane if you were not going through the dark places right now.

    God promised that he would be with us, regardless of whether he performs a miracle or not. He is never far from you, and you can get mad at him. The psalms are full of difficult situations being put before God's face. That does not anger him.

  4. Here's the column. I hope you find it an acceptable address to the attitudes of some drivers toward cyclists. Couple of typos. Thought I'd told my editor about them last weekend, but they're still there.