My Little Darlin, PT day 12
Most everyone who has read this blog has seen the crash report. I have known about this for several days. I am reminded of that event every time I walk into tho critical care unit seeing my wife lying there helpless, the only motion is the rise and fall of her chest produced by the ventilator. My anxiety is unbelievably high each time I step into that room hoping for any positive no matter how small and fearing any tiny negative. Any negative no matter how small or insignificant will put me into tears on the spot. Can't help it. I have a very strong opinion on what happened even before the second insult, needless to say, I will keep that to myself for the time being. I do know the Trooper who was at the crash scene is a Professional and I do know he was very sincere and troubled by this event. I have no doubt the Troopers involved did this investigation to the best of their ability and the confines of the law. I do not understand the law (yet) ! I do not know what the next step is (yet). There will be next steps. Those who know me know I am very passive and do not rile easily. My Little Darlin says she has seen me mad twice in almost 28 years of marriage. It surprised her so one of those times that she laughed at me. I love this woman with all my heart, she along with my heart have been badly broken and I have her back on this.
The most important thing still is to continue hoping and praying My Little Darlin comes out of this. There has been no significant change since yesterday. I continue to have a very high level of stress wanting desperately to see some major positives. I keep getting reminded it is going to be slow and it is that. I can not give any small positives today but also do not have any negatives (TIGT). The primary problem remains her lungs. She is still on 60% oxygen and holding steady on that. She is extremely swollen all over her body. This is a reflection of what she is going through from the severe trauma on her body. This is also tied in with her nutrition status. She is somewhat tolerating slow tube feedings but still do not have normal gastrointestinal function (has not growled yet, when she does TIGT) On first glance you think her "color" is good. It is actually mild jaundice (yellow appearance), this is likely from breakdown of blood in her tissues from the wide spread injuries being broken down through the liver. Everyone has had a bruise, this is from tissue injury with blood seeping into the tissues. The body breaks this blood down in the healing process, molecules in the blood contain bilirubin which is processed by the liver. She had such massive tissue injury that the amount of bilirubin being produce in healing is more than the liver can process thus elevated levels and jaundice. She still has tubes in her chest on both sides and the intracranial pressure monitor. Will leave the chest tubes in until she starts improving her lung function significantly. Remove them now puts her at risk of fluid accumulating around the lungs, compressing them and worsening their function. The intracranial pressure monitor is the only means to measure her neurological status, although limited, while she is sedated and paralyzed. This will stay until she awakens and can be examined.
There is understandable outrage at what happened to Jan. In medical school we are taught "do the right thing". We have to trust that this applies to the law. Keep your mad on. Make your voice heard. The way I see it if the law does not take swift and appropriate action on this then any rider, runner, walker, worker, trooper, etc is open game and looked upon as potential sporting target and possible road kill.
Turn your cell phone off when you get in your vehicle, watch out for anyone out there having fun, working, improving themselves, or anyone unprotected and SHARE THE ROAD
Keep spreading this story, please. Thank you all. Jan and I can not get through this without you.
I love My Little Darlin